So the past few weeks I've been working on getting back on track. It's been a struggle and my success has fluctuated. It seemed like each time I wanted to write about my successes, something would happen and I'd be back at square one. So today I want to talk about something I haven't yet gone in depth about. It is the main reason why I struggle with day to day life and the thing that holds me back from what I truly want. I am talking about my social anxiety.
I have particularly severe social anxiety. Something as simple as making a phone call can put me in agony. Sometimes I will put off making an important phone call for weeks or even months because I'm afraid I will say something wrong or sound awkward. Then because I am putting off the phone call I will cause myself even more anxiety because I know I'm procrastinating. I know it sounds silly and most people would just get it done and over with, but it isn't that easy for me.
One example is my Youtube channel. Although I want to make videos more often, the thought terrifies me. I see a lot of other Youtubers with social anxiety and they don't seem to have a problem. It makes me feel even worse about myself and that I must be really weird not to be able to just speak in front of a camera like everyone else. At least that's how I see it. Then again maybe my social anxiety is making that up for me too. At least I have this blog and I know I can always come here to say stuff without having to speak in public.
Anyways, enough of my rambling. I did something pretty exciting yesterday. I've been planning for the past couple months to have a vegetable garden. I made some special raised beds out of untreated cedar (2 out of 3 done) and planted my first seeds! I still have more to plant but I'm still working with people to get the rest set up. I really think gardening can be very therapeutic and since I plan on growing a lot of my own food in the future, I'm also learning skills to reach my goals!
Tomorrow my boyfriend is coming over and we're going to work on the third bed. It's a great way to get stuff done while still hanging out with him. He likes the challenge too! He loves building all sorts of things and is even studying to become a mechanical engineer.
Oh! One more thing that I'm looking forward to is my new iPhone! I might be getting one later this week! May not sound like the biggest news but I've had the same phone since I was 14, so it's a pretty big deal. I just couldn't afford anything else until recently. My parents aren't the type of people to give me all the latest gadgets. I have to work for them. When I got an iPod when I was 15, I had to work several months to afford it. I then took meticulously good care of it until it mysteriously stopped working a few months ago. Needless to say I was pretty upset. Thankfully now that my income has stabilized a bit, I can afford to treat myself (and I think I deserve it!) It's so easy to take a picture with an iPhone too so I plan to put lots of pictures on my blog in the near future too.
The best is yet to come!
Until next time... Painted Lady <3
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